The Bleeding Edge of Having Dreams

We all have dreams, hopes and desires. The bible even tells us that God knows the plans he has for us, plans for good and not for evil, plans to give us a future and a hope.

What happens when those dreams and hopes don't materialize? Did you not work hard enough? Were you not risky enough? Why does it still hurt?

There comes a point when you realize that everything you wanted may not happen in your life. Disappointment comes crashing down, desperation sets in, and everything around you looks like a stale trap that you've been caught in. Everyone else is gaining glory, fame and money, except you. And you get into a funk. The things you have are worth nothing, the life you live is unremarkable.

I have always dreamt of being a film actress and being involved in bringing to life fantastical adventures like TRON. It hasn't happened. The TRON franchise, after 28 years, has moved on without me and another dream has crumbled to ashes. And yet, the desire is still there, burning.

But if I am woman enough, I choose to open my eyes. I take a deep breath of the world around me and how much I have. I have an ABUNDANCE of good things in my life. If I cannot live in contentment with them, then I am a broken person, and I will have a long way to fall before I can ever begin seeing my dreams in a new light.

Discontent is poisonous and our capitalist society thrives on it. If we are not discontent, we will not buy things that we think we desperately need to be happy and fulfilled.

If Hollywood and I can never find each other (and trust me, we've tried...I lived in LA for years trying to get work as an actress) that must be okay. Otherwise, my life will go unlived, wallowing in discontent, desperation and unhappiness. I will always see my life through the filter of "not getting to do what I wanted to do."

I refuse to do that. I own my desires and passions. They belong to me, not me to them. While I wil always have to deal with them, I choose life. I choose my life. And, glory be! It's a good one! I have precious family nearby, good friends to hang out with, creative outlets, a home of my own, a solid job, health, life in peacetime...I'm so grateful for what I've been given.

Dreams can make you live your life in a tunnel. Demanding that you reach them binds you with chains. Choosing contentment makes us bulletproof and sets us free. You can never be freer than when you literally don't care any more whether you get all the things you've ever wanted. The world opens up brightly and life comes alive with hope. You can breathe better, your body relaxes more, and sleep becomes sweet.

And believe it or not, your dreams become possibilities again.

All will be well.